Don’t Let Control Be Your Comfort Blanket
Let’s be honest: control feels good.
It’s that cozy mental blanket we pull over ourselves when the world gets messy. Schedules, color-coded spreadsheets, detailed plans - they all give us the reassuring sense that we’ve got a grip on things.
But here’s the catch: in a VUCA world (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous), control is often more illusion than reality. The market shifts overnight. That “can’t miss” project gets derailed by factors you never saw coming. Life throws curveballs that weren’t anywhere in your risk assessment.
The Day My Plan Fell Apart
Many years ago, I was responsible for building a week-long leadership program for 20 high-potential HR leaders from around the world. We hosted it in our New York City office - a big deal for our international participants, many of whom had never experienced the city before.
Every detail was planned: executive speakers, engaging topics, a flow that built from one day to the next. Then, in the middle of Day 3, it happened. Two of our executive speakers scheduled for the afternoon got called away to an urgent meeting. I had no backup plan. Just me, standing there with an agenda that suddenly had a gaping hole.
The control freak inside me was flipping out. But I didn’t have the luxury of panic - the program was still running, and the participants were expecting value.
So, I pivoted. Fast. After lunch, I ran a group exercise to buy some time.
While this was happening, I called our NJ office to pull in two Directors from our Mergers & Acquisitions team for an impromptu session on the real HR challenges of integrating a newly acquired company. Later in the week, I rearranged the schedule to slot in content related to what the executives would have shared.
Was it perfect? No. Was it seamless? Not exactly. But did the participants notice the behind-the-scenes chaos? Not at all. In fact, they raved about how engaging the M&A session was - it ended up being one of the highlights of the week.
Why We Cling to Control
It’s not a flaw - it’s biology. Your brain is wired to seek safety, and predictability feels safe. The primitive part of your brain equates “having control” with “staying alive,” even if we’re talking about controlling your meeting agenda, not outrunning a tiger.
So, when things start to spin, your natural instinct is to tighten your grip. More oversight. More rules. More time agonizing over the perfect decision.
Ironically, the more we try to hold on, the more anxious and frustrated we get when reality refuses to play along.
The Problem
That comfort blanket? It doesn’t actually protect you from the storm.
It just keeps you busy adjusting your grip while the winds change direction. In business and in your daily life, over-relying on control can:
Slow your ability to adapt when situations shift.
Create bottlenecks because decisions get stuck waiting for the “perfect” conditions.
Increase stress levels - yours and everyone else’s.
A Better Approach
The real magic isn’t in holding control. It’s in knowing when to loosen your grip.
⭐Identify what truly needs your attention right now.
⭐Accept that some variables will stay unknown.
⭐Move forward anyway.
It’s not about throwing out your plans - it’s about using them as a flexible guide, not an ironclad contract with the universe.
Your Challenge This Week
Pick one area where you’ve been white knuckling it. Ask yourself: If I let go just a little, what might happen? You may be surprised to find that you’re not losing control. You’re gaining clarity, creativity, and energy.
Because here’s the truth: the comfort blanket of control isn’t what keeps you safe in a VUCA world. Your adaptability is.